After taking the quiz some months ago to find out who my Inner Mean Girls are I bought Christine and Amy's book in March. However, I didn't sit down and start reading it until recently. I'm only on the beginning of the second step but I can kind of start seeing a common thread of what my Inner Mean Girls are costing me.
Christine and Amy classify 13 types of Inner Mean Girls, each with their own unique characteristics. Those types where you score 21 points or higher are your core Inner Mean Girls.
First up is the Invincible Superwoman. She has me carrying the world on my shoulders and starves me from joy. She lies to me to keep pushing through no matter what and tells me it'll take too long to show someone else how to do something so I have to do it all myself.
The middle two had the same score on the quiz. One was obvious to me and the other shocked me.
I've always felt like a Fixer and Rescuer - over-caring, sacrificing self to care for others (never to the point of someone like Mother Teresa though), and over-empathizing, feeling others' pain. She lies to me telling me that I have to help because nobody else will.
I was shocked to discover that I have an Achievement Junkie as an Inner Mean Girl. She discounts and doesn't acknowledge my achievements. She makes me overfocus on the future and seek external validation. She lies to me telling me that I must work hard and drive myself hard to succeed.
The final dominant Inner Mean Girl is the Worrywart in me is always creating catastrophic situations and stories in my mind and causes me to obsessively think about these worst-case scenarios and hypothetical situations. She lies to me telling me that life's hard and I have to get used to it or has me thinking (when things are good) that disaster is around the corner.
Do we share any of the same types of Inner Mean Girls?
I feel that my Inner Mean Girls drive me to
- Act like a victim, feeling sorry for myself.
- Make others, or myself, wrong (the blame game).
- Adopt an image to fit a situation or relationship, selling out my true self.
- Try to fix others, allowing my emotions to be overcome by others' emotions.
- Whine and make everything difficult.
- Get small and fade into the background.
- Feign confusion to avoid conflict or express hard emotions.
- Worry and obsess over things beyond my control.
- Isolate myself.
- Explode or get inappropriately angry or frustrated.
- Let my mind obsessively create stories, scenarios, and plans.
- Focus my mind on the future instead of the present.
- Put all my energy and time into one part, neglecting others.
- Avoid moving into action.
- Asking everyone for an opinion, obsessively searching for answers.
- Keeping myself preoccupied with something, staying busy.
- Keeping and blocking love and affection from myself or others.
|My adaptation of the chart found on page 77|
My Inner Mean Girls are costing me friends and family. They're keeping me stuck in the house being anti-social. The truth is I'm afraid to go places alone but have nobody to go with me to most things (as Benny never seems to want to join me). I'm sick and tired of being bored and chained to electronics. I really desire to be more outgoing.
My Inner Mean Girls are costing me my creativity and self-expression. They're keeping so much bottled inside that when something does emerge it looks and/or sounds weird, even to me. The truth is, being an only child, I've always been creative, but my creativity has been suspended over the years. I'm sick and tired of my mind going blank when I'm trying to create something and/or express myself. I really desire to paint again.
My Inner Mean Girls are costing me my marriage. They're keeping me from appreciating the little things Benny does and focusing only on the negatives. The truth is I over-react to some things he does or says but honestly I don't know HOW to react another way. I'm sick and tired of being bored in the marriage and not communicating (not talking about the language barrier but all others). I really desire to have a better marriage.
My Inner Mean Girls are costing me financial security, just like with my career. They're keeping me from exploring other income options or sources with Benny not working. The truth is I worry about money ALL THE TIME but I've had to let Benny make most decisions as it stresses me out. I'm sick and tired of not being able to go anywhere, do anything, buy things, etc. I really desire the things to make a house a home and travel regularly.
My Inner Mean Girls are costing me my emotional health. They're keeping me frozen in time and not letting me pamper myself to keep my mind at ease. The truth is I have never known how to properly pamper myself so I don't know where to begin or even what I like. I'm sick and tired of feeling tense and easily angered. I really desire the ability to relax.
My Inner Mean Girls are costing me my physical health. They're keeping me stuck eating and making the same foods over and over again. The truth is I'm bored with what I cook but I'm afraid to explore a lot of new recipes. I'm sick and tired of not being able to enjoy eating because everything tastes the same. I really desire to explore new foods and spices without fear.
As I wrote these out in my journal I recognized some common themes - fear, boredom, internalizing everything. Do you spot any others? I can't wait to find out what else I learn about myself through reforming my Inner Mean Girls.
You don't have to take the quiz beforehand as I did because it's also available in the book (for those that prefer the pen & paper method). Order a copy of Reform Your Inner Mean Girl on Amazon to begin your transformation.