In the last couple
of chapters, we’ve focused on using CBT to reduce stress. And we’ve seen how
this can indirectly lead to advancements in your career thanks to things like
the law of attraction.
But what about
motivating yourself toward something? What if you’re not frozen by fear and
stress but simply by tiredness and indifference? What if you don’t know what it
is you want out of life, or how to structure a goal so that you can get there?
You can’t very well work toward what you want when you don’t know what that is!
The first thing
we’re going to do is to introduce just a very subtle shift in the way you
approach these ideas. And specifically, this will mean having a vision and not
a goal.What is the difference between a vision and a goal?
A vision is much more abstract but at
the same time, more tangible.
A goal is to lose 15 lbs in 10 weeks. A vision is to be the same you, but fitter, healthier and
more attractive – running outdoors with a healthy looking tan and waking up
every morning with tons of energy to get up and attack the day.
Which of those
things is more motivating? For most people, the answer will be the vision.
The other great
thing about visions is that most of us already have them, even if we don’t know
it. If I ask you what your goal in life is, then you might not be able to
answer. But if I ask you to just imagine your perfect life, then you might find
it easier to do. Perhaps you’re sitting on a beautiful beach somewhere? Perhaps
you’re living in a massive mansion? Maybe you’re rich in a skyscraper
somewhere?
If you’re still
struggling to come up with a vision that you can work toward, then some other questions
to ask are things like: who are your role models (and what do they have in
common)? When was the last time you were truly happy? What did you want to be
when you were a kid?
It doesn’t have to
be super concrete – wanting to be rich, wanting more time with your family or
wishing you weren’t at work is fine! And if you do have something really
concrete – wishing you were a famous rock star – then that’s fine too.
From here, the
next thing to do is to take that vision and break it down into steps. This is
another important point and it’s once again something that a lot of people get
wrong. If you are working toward a goal rather than a vision, then you might,
as per our previous example, be working toward losing X amount of weight in N
amount of time.
This is a fine aim
but it’s far too distant and too outside your control to be useful. When it
comes to the crunch and you need to force yourself out the door to exercise,
it’s all too easy to just tell yourself you’ll catch up on what you’ve missed
later. You end up putting it off or making excuses and by the time that amount
of time has passed and you haven’t achieved what you were hoping, you just feel
disappointed, disheartened and possibly depressed. Eventually, this leads to
you giving up entirely!
So instead, we
make steps toward our vision. This means coming up with a plan first and often
you’ll find it’s easier than you think to accomplish the impossible – it just
requires a bit of creative thought. For example, if you want to be a rock star
you might take a less obvious route such as creating your own YouTube channel
and posting your music regularly. If you build up a big enough following and
you have enough obvious skill, then eventually this is highly likely to lead to
an offer for a recording contract!
In other scenarios
it might be a very easy set of steps – in order to lose weight you might eat no
more than 1800 calories every day and workout five times a week for 30 minutes.
If you want to write a best selling novel, your goal might be to wake up one
hour early and write for 40 minutes before work.
These are now
incredibly simple steps that are highly within your control. You either fail or
pass but it’s entirely down to you. And if you do fail? You can simply try
again the next day. Each day is a fresh challenge and there is no putting
things off. Ultimately, this makes a goal much easier to stick to – especially
if you use the chain technique a lot of people use: creating a string of X’s in
a calendar so that you will find yourself not wanting to break the sequence by
missing a workout or writing session!
This will seem
detached from the goal at times but if the steps are good, then taking them
every single day, week or month on a consistent basis will mean you’re getting
gradually closer to your aim.
Now all that’s
left is to motivate yourself and to get yourself in a mind set where you’re
willing to put in the time and work to get to where you want to be. How do you
get yourself to get out of bed to go for a run at 5am when it’s pouring with
rain outside?
The answer is that
you need to use a slightly altered form of CBT by focusing on the emotional
reasons behind what you’re doing. In other words, you need to think about the
vision and you need to feel the vision. This is what will give you the release
of the correct neurotransmitters to have the motivation to do it. You can also
focus on what it is you’re trying to avoid.
So if you’re
thinking about running in the morning and you can’t find the willpower to do
it, the answer is just to make the connection in your mind so that you link
that step to the outcome you want. Visualize that version of yourself who is
fit, healthy and ripped and picture yourself running in the sun during the
summer. Think about how it feels to never have this low energy and think about
the alternative – getting gradually less and less fit and feeling gradually
worse and worse with nothing that you can do to fix it.
And if you try
this a few mornings and you find it doesn’t work, then another consideration is
to try setting yourself up some kind of video or script that you can read or
watch when you wake up to do that for you. Feel the emotion, know that the step
you’re considering is what can get you there and then take the next step!
Next week we'll talk about increasing your confidence.
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